I drive to work everyday passing through downtown Macon. Along the way there are all these old buildings. As I look at these buildings it almost always awakens some inner vision. Its like I don’t see the building for what it is, but what it could be. They look beautiful to me. The broken window panes always begin to form themselves into a still life photo in my mind. I imagine maybe the reflection of one of the broken people living in this place reflected in the pane of this broken window. Then I see what it could be restored… repaired…

So that’s what I normally see…

This morning Im driving along, reflecting on my life and current events and I reach this same part of Macon, did you know someone has broken the windows out of those buildings? Or look at that garage door, the way the metal has given and bent under stress. Or the crack that is slowly making its way across the foundation of another. The years of weight and pressure finally beginning to show. Its falling apart.

So my mind begins to wonder, Why? But isn’t THAT the age old question? I mean really… What the heck God???? WHY?

So why does that door bend and buckle where it did? Why did that crack crawling across the foundation start right there? Why did that window break (probably because that’s where the rock hit) ? But really, there was something slightly off with the structural integrity of the material. Maybe there was an air bubble in the foundation, maybe just a weak point where the cement didn’t cure. Or the garage door, some point in the metal that was thinner or had some minor imperfection. Or maybe it was some damage caused by some outside force that caused a chink in the integrity of the material.
So you take these small imperfections and apply stress and time… and suddenly, something that seemed so small and not even a hazard, becomes the starting point for the failure.

When I was 12 or 13 my friends and I discovered this secret place of wonder. It was like an imaginary get-a-away, this small patch of woods sitting on the edge of our neighborhood. We discovered steps up a tree that lead to where a tree house use to be and it captured us. We rebuilt it actually and spent many summer afternoons and after school days launching childhood adventures form this tree top fortress. There were so many other things about this patch of woods. ( it really does relate to everything, not just one of those times I tell you something that has nothing to do with what Im telling you.) You see there were these trees. I have no idea what kind they were. Just that they were tall with very few branches. The leaves and braches where mainly at the top. Well, we would climb these trees sometimes it would take two of us… if you got high enough… you could actually bend the trees over. They were very flexible trees. Once the tree is bent over… one person holds on to the top middle… and jumps… I know your imaging a child now flying through the air being catapulted into the middle of the street just outside the woods… It wasn’t quite THAT much. But it was a total thrill as the tree began to return to its natural position, and brought you with it. Sometimes it took a couple jumps to get past the point where it would spring back up. But here was the problem. Given time, given too many jumps, the stress of bending and bending… eventually, the tree would crack. And where would the break occur? Some place where there was a small imperfection. A knot in the wood, a hole in the bark from some insect or bird. And under the stress and pressure the tree failed. And I must say, it really sucked when it broke as you were flying up. Think about it, you bend this tree over, grab hold, ready for the amazing ride. So you jump, the upward momentum begins, the thrill of the ride beginning, the wind rushing… Your totally ready to hold on so once the tree is straight up… you don’t keep going! Then you hear it… SNAP… and its like your mind is still going up… your body is still wanting the fun part of being flung into the air… but it all shifts… and you come straight down… smack… ooooh the wonders of gravity.

Well that’s life sometimes. I mean what causes those things to break? Stress and time right? I mean if you apply pressure and try and squeeze to much stuff into too small of a space… something has to give. Only so much stuff can fit in one place. And the imperfections become the outlet.

So why do we call it stress when we are going through things? Building a house, a sick family member, or things just not being how you think they should be? Well, emotionally and spiritually this things begin pressing in on you. Or having an outer peace but filled with inner restless discontent. Its like trying to force too much stuff into a space. So what happens? There has to be an outlet right? Well, so many times its in the structural integrity. Or… your integrity itself. A small chink in your armor. Some small flaw inside you. Maybe you didn’t know it was there ( but if your really honest… you knew….) Maybe it is just some knot from your past. Or some area that has been worn thin. But given enough pressure and time… it will begin to show… to buckle… and you slowly begin to give in and bend… or sometimes.. like the tree… its just like SNAP… and there you are.

Why? Why are we made that way? Why does God allow this? Why do I have this particular flaw? Why am I having to go through this? I mean really, you have to admit… sometimes… you just want to say… “God, you suck”
Then again, maybe you my faithful reader do not… maybe that’s just me.

You know… I simply don’t know. I know God knows… I know that should be enough. I know it is enough… but that still leaves a lingering Why out there doesn’t it.

So then the thing to ask yourself… what then? I mean… what now. Stress or pressure has revealed this crack… this broken pane in the window of your soul… so now what? That is after all the bigger question. It outweighs the Why? The why… well… you may never know why this side of heaven… but the what now… THAT’S for today, and tomorrow and the next day. Because you know, no matter how much you try to avoid it… tomorrow… it shows up eventually. Tomorrow… finds its way into today…

This then brings my mind to the process of tempering steel. I see playing on the movie screen of my imagination, a clip of some medieval blacksmith fashioning a sword. Heating… folding… pounding… Then repeating the process. As the metal is heated to a glowing red you can often see the cracks and stress points hidden within … so what does he do… He folds it… applies pressure… pounds it against the metal that is the anvil.

If im that metal… surely Im asking… WHY? Why am I in the fire AGAIN? Why am I getting hit, pounded, folded, shaped, cant you see Im still glowing hot from the fire I just came out of. Then as your thrust into the cold water… some sort of relief finally… Sure theres steam… but in the end… its cool water… Then you are put in the fire again… folded, pounded… shaped and formed…

But you see… its this heating and pounding and shaping and forming that eventually makes you stronger. It reinforces the weak points, the small imperfections. Now, one day, in the heat of battle, this sword may break…. Theres still imperfections… But you learn from it. You learn how to make it better next time. You learn what you did when you allowed the crack to grow… to spread…

Of course… that’s the theory anyway… Im sure the sword doesn’t like having to be reforged in the fire to be made new…

So sometimes, Why is simply the wrong question. Why are things this way? Why cant I have what I want… do what I want… especially when you are met with perfection and its just outside your grasp… Why cant I have that? Why do I have to live in this situation for the rest of my life? I don’t know what your Why is. But Im pretty sure you have one. I think we all have them. So I have decided… Why is the wrong question… the real question for me has to become…. What then?

Well it started like every other Thursday morning actually. But Megan left for Ski Invasion. So I decided since it was Thursday, well, I can work an extra hour. You see my normal work schedule is 7:30 am to 4:30 pm. But I have the wonderful benefit of flex time. Sooo if I come in at 8:30 well… then I can work till 5:30 and its all cool. Or if I take an extra 30 minutes at lunch, I can just make it up at the end of the day. So that morning I decided I can get Megan to church at 7:30 then hang out for an hour or so and get to work a little late. No big deal right? I mean, we meet at J-cup around 6 or 6:30 and I don’t leave Macon after work anyway, so I’ll just hang out in the morning then work a little that night.

So around 8:15 I decide to head to the office. But alas, what do I see but a puddle of green colored liquid dripping from under my engine. Lovely. I just spent $3600 getting the motor replaced in my truck. So nooooooow Im off to the shop. Drop off my truck, with ALL the stuff for downtown packed inside, and they give me a ride back to my office. I don’t know what time it was when I got there. 9ish or so I guess. Dang it sucks not having a vehicle.

Ok, so 4:30 rolls around and I catch a ride with a friend to go pick up my truck. Yes, I left at 4:30, that means I have to spend a couple hours of precious leave time. Oh well. Go to pick up my truck and the guy is like… oh sorry, its not REALLY ready it will be about 30 more minutes. That’s mechanic time btw, which translates to 45 mins to an hour in real time. So heres the deal with my truck. Apparently there is a defect in the head. So the head casket wont seat correctly, thus allowing coolant to drip out. Its still under warranty for the new engine so it wont cost anything to fix. But I will be without a truck for another week once the new new engine comes in. So, Im driving it now because I had everything for Thursday night AND all the tools for working on my house in the tool box. I just have to make sure I add water.

Dang I just realized I have typed half a page and have yet to get to the REAL story. So here we go… I made it to the cup just in time to get the buns from Brandie and go to the Macon Rescue Mission. I catch most the service there then head downtown. It was pretty cool Brandie invited like 2 people who in turn invited 3 or 4. So we had a pretty good group of new college students join us last night. That was cool. And Nathan was in town. Hes always a lot of fun to have around. In fact, I like Nathan.

Ok so as I am walking around talking to people I enter into a conversation with Sam. He’s pretty much a regular downtown. He was telling me how hard it is to get a job if you are a homeless person in Macon, GA. Even with some construction going on they simply wont hire him. They have a fear that he doesn’t really want work. That he is just scoping them out to later rob them or something. When I mentioned, well they just don’t realize, anyone can find themselves in your situation given the right circumstances, he started telling me his story.

He doesn’t want to be homeless. He doesn’t want to be an alcoholic. He wants to get a job, buy a house, be able to buy dinner for his kids (who he hasn’t even seen in years). He was telling me he was married, had a good job and had been working there like 16 years, had a nice house, two kids. Life was good. Then a series of events happened. His wife divorced him. She got the house and kids and invited some other man to live there in his house with his wife and his kids. That really hurt. Then he had an accident at work. He showed me his leg covered with long deep scars as he pointed out where the pins are in his bones. At this point he had lost everything. The pain and hurt of it was too much for him to bear so he covered it with alcohol. Time of missing his wife, missing the physical contact you get from a marriage, he tried to fill that emptiness by hooking up with what he called crack whores. (His term, not mine). Because they would do anything for just a couple bucks to try and score their next hit of crack. He soon discovered this wasn’t working to fill the pain and emptiness. So he started using crack as well. He has gone through recovery programs. He began to explain what happens. He begins to get clean. Begins to feel healthier. Begins working and making money. But as his mind clears, thoughts of his past life and pain begin to flood in. He cant help but think of all he has lost. He told me he can never forgive himself for all the times he has used even his closest friends. Betrayed their trust for a few bucks he then spent on drugs or drinking. He feels like there is no forgiveness for all he has done and the pain gets unbearable so he turns back to the only thing he knows, drinking. It doesn’t take long from there before he finds himself living on the street again.

These are the moments God has placed us there for. Yes, hotdogs fill a physical need. But we are there to reach into the spiritual as well. I don’t always know what to say. I had the opportunity to explain Gods forgiveness. To explain how I believe when you accept Jesus and you confess those things to God and ask for forgiveness, well then the blood of Jesus actually covers up all those things and God no longer sees them. You are forgiven. I told him he is forgiven. The hard part is now accepting that forgiveness and forgiving yourself. He agreed. I was able to pray with Sam. Asking God to fill him with an unexplainable peace, to release him from condemnation, to release him into forgiveness. It was good. I believe God is working in him. As we both wiped some tears from our eyes, I said good bye and went to talk to some other people. Grace and Peace Sam, grace and peace.

Ok so my day started off as usually with the 5:15 am alarm clock.  Snooze button once, shower, start the coffee, begin sipping a cup of coffee, read the bible, wake Megan, wake Josh, say good morning to Heather, tell Megan to get ready, tell Josh to get up, grab a bagel, load tables, coolers, supplies, coffee pot… into the truck, kiss Heather, say bye to the kids and out the door to work.

Work… dang I have several deadlines coming up and they are not done yet.  THAT’S always fun.  The house… I still haven’t gotten my loan extended, my loan officer called a week or so ago and said “Hey it was nice working with you, but Im moving to another job.  Good Luck with the house.” So I need to set up a meeting with the new loan officer.  ON the phone he said he didn’t see any real problems.  BUT that’s what the last guy said too.  I only have $50,000 left to finish everything and have yet to create a new budget to see if its even enough.  Got a call and ended up driving to the house in Cochran for a late lunch.  Then I had to make a hard decision and in an effort to not hurt feelings… I hurt feelings, creating this wedge that could totally get in the way of ministry.  Needless to say… Im currently living in a state of negative margin.  The stress level in my life is off the chart… Even though I don’t worry, I don’t walk in stress, I don’t live in the moment of… OMGsh what am I going to do…  Stress is still stress.

I know… What does THAT have to do with the events of Thursday evening?  I don’t know I just felt like complaining? Whining? Venting?  Letting you see my state of mind?  State of life at the moment? Something like that.  

4:45 finally rolls around and my workday is done.  Drive to Wal-mart to pick up a duraflame log to see if it will put off enough heat so we don’t have to clean up a fire mess at the end of the night (it was not enough heat btw).  Arrive at J-cup around 6 to hang out and talk with ppl from group while enjoying a medium latte with two splenda. 6:45 we head downtown.  Odd huh, we are sitting in J-cup… located downtown… but when its time to go three blocks away to do hotdogs, we say… OK lets go downtown.

Ok, so we setup the tables, grill, dogs, buns, everything is going as usual.  We have even borrowed the Lee’s porch fire pit thing and I bought a big coffee maker so we have had fire and coffee the last three Thursday nights PLUS the blanket drive Ben and Company put together was absolutely done with perfect timing.  Its pretty cool actually how the small fire and coffee invites people to hang around and talk.  Which as you all know, is what Thursday nights are really about.

So that’s the scene, now imagine, the hotdogs are cooking, people are drinking coffee, talking, enjoying the community, and you begin to hear… Fuck this… blah blah blah… Fuck yeah… fucking yeah fuck fuck fuck.. blah blah blah… fuck… What you say?  Fuck yeah baby hoe… blah blah fucking blah…

SIDE NOTE:  Yes I COULD have just typed f*ck or  f-this f-that… but let me ask?  As you were reading that last small paragraph… did you feel violated at all?  Did you feel the hair on the back of your neck kinda lift up?  Or that creepy crawly feeling going up your spine wondering how many more times I was actually going to say Fuck?

Well that is what was pouring out of this one guys mouth as he made up his own rap song on the fly for everyones enjoyment.  I gave it a moment to see if the F-spell would pass…. It didn’t.  So I walked over to him and said… listen dude… theres no saying Fuck down here… as he continued his fuck chorus…  (OK Im done with that word now btw)  So I was like… no really, I wont have you saying that here.  So he stopped saying it and changed the words to his impromptu rap song to… Hoooooooes…. Bitches…  and Bitches… and Hoooeeees.  At this point Brandie was coming over to do what many times helps as random people break out into vulgar song.  She was bringing the guitar and a praise song to override the vulgar one.  Of course she walked up right as he changed to the new set of words…  She politely asked him… please don’t say those words…  He didn’t stop RIGHT then… but he did stop.

Shortly after I hear the beginnings of an altercation.  You see the crowd begins to shift… you see the chests begin to bow… the voices begin to raise…  Its really the same every time, well usually.  So how do you handle these situations?  That’s what I ask myself all the time.  The answer:  Each one is different.  You have to listen to the spirits prodding and hope you are hearing.   Sometimes, all it takes is a rational voice stepping into the middle asking everyone to just calm down.  Sometimes it takes a group of four men to step in-between a man and his wife as he looks like hes going to pound the crap out of her.  So last night, as I walked up to step into the middle of this argument, it was centering around chips or something.  Then Old Guy telling Young Guy… Don’t touch me.  And Young Guy telling Old Guy… get your hands off me or I’ll beat you down… and Old Guy of course responding… Go ahead and try, I’ll beat you down…

Enter me… I stepped inbetween the two, tried the voice of reason, but I could quickly see reason was clouded by alcohol and emotions.  Young Guy then grabs me and says… What if I throw you on the ground and beat you?  And words simply came out of my mouth without thought… “Well, then I will get up, hug you… and tell you I love you and its ok.”  Young Guy let go of me and didn’t know how to process such a statement.  But was still running his mouth, still threatening, still cussing, At this point Aaron was standing behind me too, trying to keep Old Guy from responding to the cussing and threats.  Young Guy grabbed me again, cussing, threatening, talking about all he’s going to do and once again words just seemed to come out of my mouth that weren’t really mine.  Seems almost odd to recount them now, because really, it wasn’t me, but the Spirit in me and I don’t ever want say… Hey look what I did.  Or anything along those lines when it so wasn’t me.  So anyway… with that disclaimer…

I grabbed him back… pushed him back away from me.. away from old guy… And in a loud firm voice told him… That simply WILL NOT be allowed here… (him still talking smack)  NO… In Jesus Name you will STOP… Right NOW… this is GODS place… this is HOLY ground… I WILL NOT TOLERATE IT…  You will stop RIGHT NOW. (or something along those lines)

Then theres like this frozen moment in time when everyone stops moving, everyone stops talking, like a collective drawing in of breath and waiting to see what will happen next.  My next thought was this… he’s so close and in such a position… if he wanted to stab me I would really only have time to tell him I forgive him…  Yeah crazy I know, but that was the actual thought that ran through my mind.  Then… he didn’t stab me but rather I saw him soften, I saw incredible sadness wash over him.  I saw a man who was hurt and needed a savior.  He stopped fighting, stopped puffing up his chest.  He said, ok, your right, Im sorry.  I just want some chips.  Do you have anymore chips?  So I go get him one of the few bags of chips left.  He says thanks and says he just wants to sit down and eat his chips.  So he goes over to a ledge, sits down, and eats his chips.

Then the blue lights appear.  A couple good citizens thought the problem was escalating so they called the police.  My first thought… Wheres Kerry???  (hehe j/k)  One of the guys from downtown told me he called them.  So I go to intercept the police to tell them its all good, everything is fine, it was just a couple people in a shouting match but everything has calmed down.  Young Guy sees the police and decides he better go.  He walks across the street and the police begin to follow him.  I was like… hey you guys… really, you don’t need to do anything.  So I walked across the street to talk to him.  I told him… Hey I just want you to know, we did not call the police on you.  I don’t know who did.  I want you to know, your welcome here, we love you, Jesus loves you for who you are… Now… there will be no fighting and stuff… but your welcome here.

Wow he melted again as tears came to his eyes.  He hugged me and told me about some things going on in his life.  His wife left, and a few other things.  I discovered he is a young man sinking into depression because of the circumstances of his life, not able to find hope anywhere so he is numbing it with a bottle of alcohol.  I pray the words about Jesus will someone take root even through the cloud of drunkenness.  We hugged again, he walked off and I went back and thanked the police for responding and coming down.

He circled around the area, coming in and out of the crowd for the next 45 minutes or so before we packed up.  

Then I really needed to go talk to my friend and co-leader and try and work through this wedge I created earlier in the day.  I realized by not wanting to point out some faults, I was actually making the whole situation seem like it was all about something it wasnt and me simply screwing anyone that got in the way.  Which was not the case.  It was a needed talk and I do apologize for all the trouble I caused.

Then dinner with a few people from group.  Then I gave someone a ride home.  Then I had to drop off tables and supplies for next week, because remember those deadlines at work?  Well next week I am doing a whirlwind tour of Middle GA.  Wednesday I’m headed to Valdosta to work… then Albany to Work… then to Columbus (yes all in the same day).  I will spend the night in Columbus.  Work in Columbus Thursday morning, drive to Athens, work there… and try and make it back to downtown Macon by 7pm.  We’ll see.  But just in case I don’t, I needed to drop off the stuff.  Talked for a bit about the downtown events and about what to do in the future during such events.  I don’t know really, each one is handled different.  In the end I just rely on the Spirit to lead.  Sometimes that looks like inaction and passivity… but sometimes… that’s what is needed…

Had a cup of coffee so I didn’t fall asleep on the 30 minute drive home… laid my head on the pillow (I swear it felt like only 10 minutes) then hit the first snooze button…

Lattes, Laptops and the Lord

So I was thinking, I wonder if this can become the new mantra for all print material advertising a youth/college events, to replace the now defunct “food, fun and fellowship”.

Lattes, Laptops and the Lord.  It might catch on.  You never know.  But actually that isn’t what this post is really about.  :)

Then I was thinking about a conversation with my pastor I had a few months ago, and he was like. “I really don’t see how you do it.”  Actually I’ve had that conversation with several people of late.  And I simply replied “Honestly… everyday I don’t see how I can do it.  I just take the next step and hope it all works out.”

How do I know that’s what I said months ago?  WELL… you see… I was recounting the conversation with my wife, because well, she asked what we talked about, and when I recounted what I said, I was like hmmm and wrote it down on a yellow sticky note that now sits stuck to the bottom of my monitor.  Its just a daily reminder that in the end, its really not about me or my skills and abilities but rather simply stepping into what God has already put into place for me to do.  Then, just do it.  SOUNDS simple anyway….

Ok so now Im thinking, is it Ok to quote yourself?  Im mean sure guys like Rob Bell, Erwin McManus, guys who have written several great books. Or guys like Andy Stanley, Ed Young or Steve Sawyer who deliver great sermons heard by countless people.  Sure THEY can quote themselves.  But a lowly servant with no permanent platform, no big books deals, and in the eyes of some… not even a REAL Pastor… just some part time hack… (Don’t worry, I don’t believe em, I know Im a pastor and love what God is doing in my life and ministry)?

So then Im thinking, dang I hear that all the time?  What you might ask… Well… when I start talking to people about ministry opportunities.  Maybe things that aren’t exactly traditional, heck even if it is something traditional, I hear so many times… “I would love to do more, I just don’t have the time.”…  “Really?” I ask.  “Yes really, you just don’t understand how busy my life is.”    Ummm… I don’t?

You know what I think that is?  I think it’s a lie that has infiltrated the body of Christ.  It was sent here to paralyze the church and its working to some degree.  But you see God placed inside of each on of us some passion or desire.  There is some sort of service he wants us involved in.  And the thing is, he usually lets its line up with our passions and desires.

Now I know we are all busy.  I know there’s only so many hours in the day.  But here’s what I have discovered.  Sometimes you don’t know you have the time or ability to do something, until you step out and just start doing it.  If you begin to feel overwhelmed, like you have too much going on, like you just cant do it anymore… well then simply step back and realign.  Maybe the things you are doing are not in line with the things God wants to be doing through you.

For example, I LOVE doing baptisms.  I mean they are great.  You get to hear all the amazing ways God has freshly touched lives.  You are given this great privilege to share in a moment that will forever be marked in their minds as a day they showed the world they believe in Jesus.  I mean, who wouldn’t want to be a part of that???  (That’s why I think baptisms need to be a BIG deal at the church, not just some side deal we rush through because we need to have time for the rest of the service…)  I mean, baptism is a sacrament that was given to the church by God.  Heck yeah I want in on that.  But a couple years ago I began getting that “overwhelmed, I just want to quit, I cant do this stinkin ministry thing a day longer”, feeling so I stepped back and checked myself.

Well even though I loved doing baptisms I had to let it go.  That sucked, but it was good too.  Periodically we have to check our alignment.  I believe if you are in line with God, he will make time for ministry.  Im not saying you wont be stressed or wont feel like quitting and that it wont be hard sometimes… heck that’s just part of it.  But when God is walking with you, or you walking with him, it just makes it possible some how.

Ok that was it… then I drove into the parking lot… sat down here… and tried to capture all that went on in my mind on the way to work… 

GOD the Spirit indwells us, empowering us, teaching us, leading us

We have been given Authority by Jesus to do the things he did

YOU a simple person, one individual, you CAN change the world

Simply step into the flow of what God is doing. If you have ears, listen. If you have eyes, see. God is prodding you to service. In fact he has already prepared in advance everything you will need to take part in what he is doing. You may not realize it, but a simple act of love or kindness, the simple act of allowing Gods love to flow through you can change a life.

We are in the process of “adopting” an orphanage in Ethiopia. This isnt like an adoption center here in the States with young couples waiting in line to adopt the children. These are kids whos parents have died of AIDS, starvation, malaria or one of many other diseases. Their are no young couples waiting in line to adopt them. They struggle each day to find enough food to sustain life. Imagine being ten years old, both parents die, and you are left as head of your household with three younger siblings, in a country already overwhelmed with orphans. What do you do? Anything it takes to survive. Many times the thing it takes to survive is the very thing that leads to death as young girls sell them selves as sexual toys to get enough food to eat, only to eventually contract the diseases that took their parents in the first place.

But you CAN do something. You CAN change the world. As we step into this God thing and begin to touch the lives of these young boys and girls, we can effect the future of Africa. Touching one life, bringing the unconditional love of God, introducing Jesus Christ as savior can dramatically change life. Not only that one person but everyone around them.

So Im asking you, do something. Anything. Even if its in your own neighborhood and not in Ethiopia. The church can no long sit back and wait for the world to become a better place. We are the light. Its our responsibility to carry it into the darkness. If you will just be the church, be the person God is calling you to be, the world WILL be changed.

If you dont know what to do or where to begin, feel free to email me. Tell someone about your desire. Maybe you can begin with Childrens Hope Chest. This is the organization we are partnering with to go to Ethiopia. Or http://www.5for50.com/Just begin moving. God will show you as you go.

(I know thats cheating… but I just havent had time to write so I thought I would post the article I wrote to at least have something new. )

I met Willy almost a year ago. Willy has been homeless for some time now. Recently he came up and pulled me out of the group saying, “Hey Rev, come over here. I need to tell you something.”

I walked off to the side of the crowd with Willy and he began to tell me his story: “I just wanted to come over here because I didn’t want people to think I was prideful or anything, but,” he said as his voice lowered and he leaned into me so only I could hear. “I have my own room.” He paused so I could let the significance of the statement set in.

“Your own room?” I asked back.

He nodded and continued: “It’s been amazing. For the last two nights I have actually slept in a bed. You know, I usually just sleep on the concrete. But not last night or the night before. I have a bed now. I was at the Department of Labor the other day looking for work and all morning I was passed up. No one wanted or needed me. But I just felt like God was telling me to wait. I fell asleep waiting but late that afternoon a man comes over and wakes me up and asks do I want to work. Of course I do. And I’ve been working for him since. So my room, not only do I have a bed, but I have a ceiling fan, too. That’s right, it works and everything.”

A huge smile formed on his face and his eyes began to sparkle. “You know what’s best of all? I have my own light. My own light! Can you believe it? It’s great. My own light!”

The excitement was simply flowing out of him as he explained how he would give up the bed, the fan and sleep on concrete in a hot room as long as he could keep the light. His own light. He winked and slapped his hand on his knee to emphasize joy stating, “And you know what Rev? I’ll be sleeping there tonight!” Our conversation continued for another ten minutes as he credited God for the entire thing: the job, the bed, and even his light.

I love hearing stories of how God reaches into a person’s life, right where they are, and gives them hope and meaning. I have pondered Willy’s light over the past few days and I cannot help but draw a parallel to my light. I am not referring to the one in my room or my kitchen or even the one I take for granted in the bathroom. I mean the light that God has given me.

Jesus said, “You are going to have the light just a little while longer. Walk while you have the light, before darkness overtakes you. The man who walks in the dark does not know where he is going. Put your trust in the light while you have it, so that you may become sons of light.” When you become one of these “sons of light,” an amazing thing happens. You actually become the light. Rather than just being in the light or from the light, you are the light.

This causes me to wonder how important my light is to me? How important is your light to you? Is it more important than daily comfort? If a choice had to be made between showing the light and sleeping on the concrete or hiding it to stay in a comfy bed, which would be chosen?

I believe that each day, we are given the choice to display our light. God places people in our paths who are living in a land of darkness and hopelessness or the edge of eternal death. Sometimes all it takes is one small light to bring back hope and life. This small light could be a smile, a hug, a quarter or the hamburger just picked up at the drive through. At other times it is a simple hello. Sometimes all it takes is for us to be light.

At one time I believed that unwaveringly. Well because that’s what I was always taught! And at one time I believed I had to earn salvation. That it was the way I lived, the things I did that somehow earned me favor and salvation with God. I mean for those staunch believers in eternal security, if your life suddenly turned to crap and you started to slip away and fall into sin…. (They call that a backslider btw)… WELL then, you MUST not have REALLY been saved in the first place. Otherwise you wouldn’t be living that way. Because you are obviously not saved, just look at your sin as evidence of that.

Then there are those who believe, well, I am free to live how I want. To do what I want, to sin how I want, as long as I repent and ask God for forgiveness… then hey… Im good.

Both those are off if ya ask me.

Ok… so what DO I believe about the once saved always saved doctrine? Well… I believe that once you have accepted the gift of Jesus Christ. You believe in your heart and confess with your mouth that Jesus is Lord… well… then you are saved. Nothing can take that away from you. The devil cant snatch it out from under you. Your spouse cant, your preacher cant, angels cant, demons cant, circumstances cant… nothing can separate you…. but you. I believe God simply will not trump free will. He gives us the choice to love and follow him. So I do believe… once your saved… well your saved… but you can give it back.

Well, this isn’t the post to give scripture reference and proof text to explain why I believe what I believe about eternal security and salvation. I guess I only bring all that up to help define what I mean by the word saint. As I look through the bible, particularly at how Paul starts most of his letters, I begin to see a definition for what it is to be a saint. Its not as much about the way you live your life, as it is your belief in Jesus as the Lord.

Let me show you:

Romans 1
Paul, a servant of Christ Jesus, called to be an apostle and set apart for the gospel of God—the gospel he promised beforehand through his prophets in the Holy Scriptures regarding his Son, who as to his human nature was a descendant of David, and who through the Spirit of holiness was declared with power to be the Son of God by his resurrection from the dead: Jesus Christ our Lord. Through him and for his name’s sake, we received grace and apostleship to call people from among all the Gentiles to the obedience that comes from faith. And you also are among those who are called to belong to Jesus Christ.
 To all in Rome who are loved by God and called to be saints:
      Grace and peace to you from God our Father and from the Lord Jesus Christ.

1 Corinthians
Paul, called to be an apostle of Christ Jesus by the will of God, and our brother Sosthenes,
To the church of God in Corinth, to those sanctified in Christ Jesus and called to be holy, together with all those everywhere who call on the name of our Lord Jesus Christ—their Lord and ours:
Grace and peace to you from God our Father and the Lord Jesus Christ.

Ok so he didn’t use the word SAINT here… but he said those sanctified in Christ Jesus. But that describes those believers in Corinth. Then in 2 Corinthians he opens with:

Paul, an apostle of Christ Jesus by the will of God, and Timothy our brother,
      To the church of God in Corinth, together with all the saints throughout Achaia:
 Grace and peace to you from God our Father and the Lord Jesus Christ.

Ephesians 1
Paul, an apostle of Christ Jesus by the will of God,
      To the saints in Ephesus, the faithful in Christ Jesus:
 Grace and peace to you from God our Father and the Lord Jesus Christ.

Can you begin to get the idea of what a saint is? Oh and by the way… Did you notice Paul is always about Grace and Peace from God… even when he’s about to spank you with truth…

So anyway… a saint, called to belong to Jesus, believing in the resurrection of Jesus, faithful in Christ Jesus, they call on the name of the Lord Jesus Christ as their Lord.

So what is this sainthood? Seems to me, he is using the term to describe those who are saved. Yes, there is some measure of faithfulness and living righteously, but I believe that stems from being a saint, not what defines you as a saint. You know? So then a saint is one who has received the gift of salvation from God through belief in the redemptive death and resurrection of his son Jesus.

OK… so to go from there. Are then all saints disciples? I mean what did Jesus command the church at the end of the book of Matthew?

Then Jesus came to them and said, “All authority in heaven and on earth has been given to me. Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you. And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age.”

That’s a pretty big commision, eh. Almost great even…

So, what do many churches do with that today? Well it’s the basis for the evangelistic outreach programs. For the big conferences where a great dynamic speaker brings a powerful and anointed word of God and hundreds of people come forth and receive Jesus as their savior. Then… they are off to the next big conference to save some more of the lost.

But wait a second, didn’t he say… Go and make disciples? Not just go and make saints or go and get people saved? Because really… we dont make saints…

In the book of John Jesus said, “If you hold to my teaching, you are really my disciples. Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.”

He also talks about his yoke and how it is not heavy… well what the heck does that mean, right? I mean, are they small eggs, with lighter yokes? Ummm no. To try and keep it short… I am getting rather long I see… That was a term used back then to describe a lifestyle and teaching. As students began to learn under a rabbi, or as they became his disciple, they went everywhere together. They began to think like he thought, they began to live like he lived, they began to take on the belief set and lifestyle characteristics of their teacher… that was called his yoke.

So then, to be a disciple, is more than simply being a saint. You see, I believe you can be a saint, you can be saved, going to heaven and all that, and yet, not be a disciple. Being a disciple is something you have to choose during each phase of your journey with him. You see along your walk with God he will continually challenge you and bring you into a deeper relationship a bigger space. The more you walk with him, the more you take on his yoke.

But this is a continuing process. Just as with all disciples or students, some lessons are easier learned and sometimes you have to go to summer school, five or six times… I also believe you may be a disciple for one phase of your life, but decide to drop out of school. Does this mean you are no longer a saint? Heck no, it just means you are no longer a disciple.

But let me tell you a lie the enemy will feed you…. “Look back on your life… remember how great it was when you were following him, living every moment for him. But now… NOW you sinner, after what you have done… how can you expect him to still love you. I mean compared to how you were then… and how you are now… forget about it! You dropped out of school remember? That door is closed… you are lost now… so you may as well follow me, you’ve already gone to far for his goodie two shoe school… you’ve already blown it, so you may as well go all out…”

Don’t listen to it. That’s a lie. Simply because you have chosen to no longer be a disciple of Christ does not remove you from the ranks of the saints. You are still the chosen of God. You are still the child he loved then and still loves. So what ever you do, don’t ever believe that its too late for you. Its truly as simple as reenrolling in school and choosing to become a disciple again.

This is the sky above the house I am in the process of building.

Captured with my Sony w810i cell phone.

So I’m wondering.  Does God always couple great revelation with thorns?

How do you begin even discovering that?  Well… you look in the bible I would think.  Its great how it allows you to see a persons life from the outside, you can see their struggles and how God worked through them and in them.

So where to begin…  Im thinking Hebrews 11… the Hall of Faith as they say.

It begins like this:

Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see. This is what the ancients were commended for.

So over the next few days Im going to take a look at these guys… did they all have thorns?  Did they recognize they had them? Did they ask God to remove them?

Way back when, when I actually wrote consistently I would have had several people commenting with replies… But as it is with most blogs where the writer seemingly drops of the face of the blogosphere… the readers go to.  But, if anyone is still reading, and you feel so inclined, take a look at these guys life and tell me what you think.

Here’s a quick list if you don’t want to go to Hebrews 11 to look them up:

Enoch
Noah
Abraham
Isaac
Jacob
Joseph
Moses
The People
Rehab
Gideon, Barak, Samson, Jephthah, David, Samuel and the prophets

Ok… that’s it I think.  Of course, this is just a place to begin.  After all the question is does God couple great revelation with thorns.  So that doesn’t necessarily mean having great faith means you have received great revelation, does it? 

God has truly been blessing this entire adventure.  Heck, our outside sales rep from the building supply place is a bi-vocational pastor and he has gone way out of the way to make sure things flow.

Then there’s church… you see God placed in me this passion to reach people who don’t know him.  And yet… I really don’t like talking to people.  I suffer from a bit of social anxiety.  When I think of having to go to a newcomers lunch and having to sit at a table with a bunch of people I don’t know… well… I just REALLY don’t want to go.  But I know. God places people in my life, all around me, that need to know who he is and his love begins to swell up  inside me and he gives me the words to say, he gives me the opportunities…  Its actually quite amazing really.

For the past 5 years I have been praying for my church.  You see, as soon as I became a member I felt we were missing it.  I mean, we have been reaching people, we have been searching for God, following God, amazing things have been happening.  From the very beginning of my time there I have been praying for a more intentional focus on the lost.  In fact, the way I view ministry and evangelism has been a point of tension between me and some of the people who use to be on staff.

I wanted to move the college service off campus.  My thoughts being… we can no longer sit in church and wait for people to come.  We need to go where people are that need him.  Heck you can look over the last 5 years of my blog and see that I think.  I started a servant evangelism thing that was amazing, people got totally excited… yet there wasn’t a buy in from the church staff… so it didn’t go anywhere.  Our college group moved our meeting to the middle of the street in downtown Macon and it has become an amazing thing.  For years I have prayed for my church to see this facet of ministry.  To see that it truly is a foundational thing that we have not been doing.  And you know… the entire vision of the church has shifted…  My prayer has been answered…  God is totally awesome. 

My job is great.  I love where I work.  Its totally flexible and fits well with my ministry.  It is a huge resource to help with my ministry.  My boss is a believer and is a great person to bounce ideas off of.  The leave is good, the benefits are great… its an awesome job.

And yet… theres still that thorn…

Im laying here unable to sleep at 1 AM praying that God would just remove it from me.  God please take this thorn from my side.  Why do I have to have this?  I mean God TOTALLY answers my prayers.  He TOTALLY blesses anything I lay my hands to do. (When I ask him first what is is Im suppose to be doing that is) 

And yet… theres still a thorn…

I’ve read 2 Chor where Paul talks about his.  HE asked three times for it to be removed… and was finally able to receive that Gods Grace is sufficient.  You know, I totally receive that in almost all facets of my life.  I don’t worry about things.  I most the time do approach life and situations with a childlike faith in God, knowing that no matter what… he is there… his Grace will simply do…  I mean, I don’t struggle with that, I know God is God, there is no doubt because I have seen him, heard him, talked to him, been hugged by him, been in arguments with him, Im in love with God.  I cant get enough God.  And yet… theres this thorn and for some strange reason I cant just let it go.  I cant seem to let his grace cover it like I do every other thing in my life. 

Is it the devil?  Is it a messenger from satan come to torment me like Paul said his was?  Is it to keep me humble?  I mean, I KNOW that it is God working through me, its him doing all the amazing things in my church, in my ministry, in my life…  So do I need this thing to keep me from boasting in myself? To keep me from becoming conceited because of these surpassingly great revelations?

I mean, theres like this inside joke I have with a couple people from the college group.  People I trust and share more personal things with…  Its hard to explain really… but one of them said once… its like your three years ahead… the stuff you are talking about… and wanting to happen… its like no one sees it or hears it… but your talking about it… are passionate about it… then three years later BAM… they see it… but forgot that you have been talking about it for three years. 

When we were talking about making some video commercials for the college group one of them said…  “Oh I know… we should have Pastor Brian make this profound statement about something… maybe about the downtown thing… then have everyone just look at him and stare… then have someone else say the exact same thing… and everyone get all excited and clap… like that commercial…  He says… I just said that… yeah but you went like this.. and he went like that…”

So does God give me great revelation and them temper it with thorns????

I don’t know… and now Im sort of rambling and this post is huge… BUT… I feel better having just said it out loud.  Amazing how that works.  Even just if its saying out loud in an empty room with written words.  Somehow it makes the world a better place.

One thing I’m totally thankful of is the prayer Paul had for the people or Corinth at the end of his letter….  “May the grace of the Lord Jesus Christ, and the love of God, and the fellowship of the Holy Spirit be with you all.”

I love having the grace, love and fellowship of God.  Without that… man, life would just suck

(btw, forgive the typos or loss of thought… given the hour I have choosento simply type my thoughts as I had them with no proof reading.. we’ll see tomorrow.. or rather later today… if I even made sense)